2005-04-19 - 9:07 p.m.

ya know, i gotta say knowing the person you love doesn't love you back has got to be the worst feeling in the world. i told her i'd always love her, she told me she'd always be my friend. damn. what did i do wrong? i can honestly say, i've never been this depressed. some people think i'm suicidal. i'm not, but i do feel dead inside. one of the best things in my life, one of the few things that kept me going, has been stripped away. and at the worst possible time. were the last 3 almost 4 months a waste? i dont know. maybe. because now the love i have for her is going to waste. i want her to be happy tho. if she's happier without me then...so be it. i hope she is happy with the decision she has made tho. i wouldn't want her to end up regretting anything. obviously i wasn't doing it for her. i feel like such a fuck-up. i lost the most amazing thing in the world...gone.